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| | Welcome to TeraSmeg
Informational Systems!
We deliver a range of
services from running an international drug syndicate, to research into AIDS,
Cancer, and Advanced weapons of mass destruction.
The company has its humble beginnings in the late 20th century, with its
founder, Andrew Burgess, studying for his A-levels. After finishing his Physics,
Mathematics, and English Language, he began to get involved with many members of
the Hood. After a few shootouts and drug busts, he eventually got totalitarian control of his
local region. After buying the local constabulary, he then set out to make the
world a better place to live in - no age limits for anything, drugs still
illegal (generate more revenue) and Degrees compulsory for all.
When TeraSmeg Informational Systems first appeared much debate was given over
to the design of the logo. Should it be bright? Dark? Imaginative? The Managing
Director decided on the one produced above. What this company does is to provide
a front for the smuggling of drugs and billions of pounds worth of money
laundering. I set this up in the Autumn of '94 and so far we have made over
€19 billion in the modern day coinage of Europe. Our contacts stretch as far
as Russia, Japan and of course America - we even have some users in Antarctica,
of the 200 scientists working there, just less than a quarter use some sort of
product of drug produced from our heroin. We have imported approximately 180 tons
of cannabis since importation began. Just as we began to trade with the drug
barons of America and Europe, we began to find a problem - the tax evasion of
the billions of electronic pounds worth of money going through our hands.
There was only one solution - set up
a company and act as if we sell products linked to US and British Intelligence.
The result was a very plausible and workable business - trading in drugs and
money. I have begun to set up actual research areas, named Technologies Secrets
IncS. - the good thing with this was that the logo could be the same. These
research establishments are researching matters such as the hand-held fusion
weapons - not figments of our imagination - and ideas to free the world of its
environmental problems. TeraSmeg Informational Systems actually do invest in the
environment. Pollution is a major research area and we are at the moment working
on the most advanced car in history - VerE 9c. It has the most advanced sunlight
electrical cells and also has a small fusion reactor where objects such as
orange peel, banana peel and really any other sort of organic material will be
broken down into iron and nickel. These blocks are deposited in a sealed case
and can be taken back to the research establishment for melting down and making
small parts of the next car. At the moment the price of one of these cars is
€2.8 billion! As well as these developments more military ideas are being made
into object of mass destruction. Orders have immediately come in from the
British Government and from several Arab states - Israel was just one step
behind but should have no difficulty in paying the €7 billion bill up front.
In bonds and trust we have a lot of money invested, including satellites so
advanced they can read the tattoo on your hand at night.
Still, we must no forget how this
business started, the two hard years of privately advertising this company's
ideas and for responses to come through to help pay for the first installments
of modern nuclear weapons, so powerful that one would destroy most of France, (a
good thing!) In fact we had a lot of problems from all of the anti-WMD
protesters - although how they found out about us is still a mystery, even after
the investment of €13 million in investigators. We silently killed them when
they were going home in Japan, I believe the Cyrix Gas was the resultant
chemical used. Still, you've gotta laugh haven't you?!
Our Mission:
"TeraSmeg Informational Systems
is a company that has evolved for today's
market, with tomorrow's technology, and advanced ideas." - Andrew
Burgess, December 1999.
Company Profile:
I am Andrew Burgess, the company's Managing Director. For those of you
thinking that this web page is real, you ought to have a shit slapped in
your face and a brown paper bag dumped on yer 'ed. { ¦ -]
Click here to see my profile.
We, i.e. me, belong to a series of industrial and technological companies:
- The Iranian Secret Service
- Greenpeace
- British Coal and Steel Boards
and
"TeraSmeg really helped me out when my best mate slept with my best bird.
Thanks to them he's now 500ft deep in the artic circle." - DJ Diggler,
Sussex.
[translated] "After a number of failed attempts to do away with the
Greenpeace protesters in New Zealand, TeraSmeg found me, tortured me, and
threatened to [censored] with a blunt knife." - former President of France, Jacque Chirac.
Members in this company include me, me and, yep, you've guessed it, me.
I am the big cheese, the macho man, the cherry on the iced cake, the African
medicine man, and the Aborigine Snake God. I'm the one I have to ask if I want to
go for a take-out pizza.
Contact Information:
- Telephone
- ++44 (0) 1252 867666
- ++44 (0) 7790
641788
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- FAX
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- Postal address
- 12-18 Joysten High Street, Joysten, London, SW5, ENGLAND
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- Electronic mail
- General Information: [email protected]
Sales:
[email protected]
Customer Support: [email protected]
Webmaster:
[email protected]
Legal Disclaimer:
This web page has been written purely for a bit
of fun and to practice writing in HTML. No opinions, ideas or events are real.
The entire site is fictional, unless you are in the "The MD" area.
TeraSmeg Informational Systems is a completely fictional company, and if such a
company does exist then they certainly aren't involved in what is mentioned
here.
The Author
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